1) I am a sailor.
2) The Wile-E.-vs-the-catapult sequence in “To Beep Or Not To Beep” is indescribably wonderful.
3) I drink dark rum, when it’s for fun.
4) I give people nicknames, a habit I got from my father.
5) I am more relaxed in casinos than I am anywhere else. I think they give my brain enough to do.
6) I hate my job more than I let on, and for different reasons.
7) I vacillate between wanting a dog and missing the Old Man too badly to have one.
8) I am willing to pay a great deal for tickets when Jimmy Buffett plays Wrigley Field.
9) I expect to be a millionaire by thirty-seven.
10) Life is too short to fear any fun.
11) I have three more tattoos in mind.
12) I like being underestimated.
13) I don’t hate cold, but I hate grey.
14) I cannot resist catching snowflakes on my tongue.
15) I have never initiated the end of a romantic relationship.
16) More than twice as many people have visited B&T this February than did last February. I am proud and grateful.
18) Loyalty is more important than any other quality. We ride together, we die together.
19) Turn-on’s: Aggressive sexuality, verbal engagement, big eyes, nontraditional haircolors.
20) I enjoy playing golf far, far more than I thought I would.
21) I drink frozen vodka, when it’s medicinal.
22) Manhattan is, visually, the most beautiful movie I’ve ever seen.
23) Politics and media are not separate entities, but divisions of the fear industry.
24) I have not seen a single Oscar-nominated movie this year.
25) I follow many sports, but I live and die with the Chicago Bears.
26) I wish people would take things less seriously.
27) Few things make me laugh as reliably as does Daffy Duck saying “I demand that you shoot me now!”
28) I am on friendly terms with each and every one of my ex-girlfriends.
29) Multiplayer Perfect Dark is still king of the hill, video-game-wise.
30) I am thirty right now, and I can’t decide if I’m upset at how young I feel, or how old.
31) But for rented wedding garb, I have not worn a necktie in more than five years.
32) I think being an uncle will help me decide whether or not I want to be a father.
33) I love Las Vegas, and I could live there very happily, but it would be a bad idea.
34) Turnoffs: Flattery, passivity, jealousy, and affectation
35) I have three books roughly plotted in my head.
36) I am no longer irrationally terrified of airplane travel or of having blood drawn. I worked hard on those.
37) I will get an earring once I move down-island.
38) The crackdown on steroids is reawakening my interest in baseball.
39) I am capable of much, much more.
40) I cannot resist singing along with Frank Sinatra, especially on “It Had To Be You” and “Summer Wind”.
41) I probably drink too much, but only in the winter.
42) I make world-class garlic bread and spaghetti sauce.
43) I don’t know why I hate talking on the phone.
44) I tend to give things much longer to succeed than I should.
45) I have a weak spot for self-aware/self-referential comedy.
46) I need to lose about 35 more pounds.
47) Having religious faith would make life a lot easier, but I think you have to be born with it.
48) I would rather give slightly more money to someone who wanted my business than slightly less to someone who doesn’t care.
49) If I could dunk a basketball, I would never, ever get tired of doing so.
50) Operation Alligator is presently twenty-two days ahead of schedule.