WHEREAS I haven’t played hooky in two years, and
WHEREAS there was a nine-year period of my life wherein a month without an unauthorized day off was as unthinkable as a forty-eight hour period without a cocktail or a thought of ‘Lost in America’ is now, and
WHEREAS I am not going to just stand around and feel as old and jaded and cranky as Mr. Wilson anymore, and
WHEREAS I no longer have to save money for six weeks in order to have enough money to cut school and do anything besides make out in the park, and
WHEREAS that is especially poignant considering that I now have the facilities to make out any time I want, and
WHEREAS I am sick and tired of looking at the all-too-brief-summer out the window over the copier, and
WHEREAS it has come to my attention that selling my expertise and time does not mean selling my soul, and
WHEREAS if I am to be chided for immaturity, I am surely going to reap the benefits of that immaturity, and
WHEREAS if I am to be a ‘team player’, it is from this day forward gonna be for my goddamn team,
I HEREBY DECLARE that the first day of summer, June 21, will be the inaugural Adult Ditch Day.
You have the overnight to consider the implications of this, and tomorrow I will expect each and every one of you to join me in the Vow of Truancy.