Heart Is Beatin' Rhythm, Soul Is Singin' The Blues

From the Request Line:

Chris: Things you’ve carried with you since High School, even if they don’t quite fit. You know, that book that is always getting packed, or why you refuse to get rid of that quilt, even though it’s totally worn to pieces.

Sentimental Survivors From High School That I Kept Until The Final Cut Last September:

1) A couple of t-shirts from plays I was involved with fifteen years ago.
2) Some overread books and scripts.
3) A folder of letters and notes and pictures I didn’t remember I had.

Things From High School That I Carry With Me Today:

1) My old Steve McMichael jersey. Not technically associated with high school in any way but timeframe.
2) A half dozen close friends.
3) A deep hatred for because-I-can-authority types.

The smaller OPRF grows in my rearview mirror, the more I realize that it was only the contrast with junior high that made it seem so good.

Well, that and the making out.

King Of Small Media

From the Request Line:

Big: Mine the differences between Key West and Chicago. I can’t believe that vein is tapped out.

It isn’t. But I have other plans for that topic.

Sorry, I’m distracted by being ticked off at this guy who thinks he’s funny. He’s not. He stinks.

(If your request was designed to see if you’d correctly guessed why I haven’t written about that here of late, I commend you your circuitous deviousity.)

"This broad is not your wife, she's the enemy."

From the Request Line:

Pete: How about your speculation on the thoughts running through Angelina Jolie’s mind when Brad Pitt announced they wouldn’t get married until *all* people (i.e. including gays and lesbians) are allowed to get married?

5) “Omigod. Does he seriously think this doesn’t make it totally obvious that he’s the gayest thing on two legs? Holding hands with me won’t cover for you now, buddy.”

4) “Jesus. Another fucking Us Weekly cover. The bet with Vince Vaughn is TOTALLY out of hand.”

3) “Great. Commitment-phobic asshole stole the moral high ground. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.”

2) “What’d Brad say? Oh. Fine. Hey, leave me be. I was just daydreaming about this blogger I have a total Internet-crush on.”

1) “I swear, if Aniston smirks at me at the Oscars again, I will claw her beady fucking eyes out of her self-pitying fucking SKULL and fucking FEED them to her. God knows she could use the meal.”

Yes, It's A Meme. Sue Me.

A – Available: As a general rule, I like to know for what, first.
A – Age: 32. Yes. I’m sad too.
A – Annoyance: Generally.

B – Best feature: Passion. (Worst feature, too.)
B – Beer: Red Stripe
B – Birthday: May 22

C – Crush: Presently I am in love with the Casino Royale trailer.
C – Car: An aging, high-mileage Tundra with a mismatched top. The magic is back, people.
C – Candy: Good dark chocolate.

D – Day or night: Night.
D – Dream Car: A 1982 Buick LeSabre.
D – Dogs or Cat: Dogs. But I am not catophobic.

E – Egg nog: I make good eggnog.
E – E-mail: I’m losing faith in this survey’s author.
E – Eggs: Scrambled, next to corned beef hash, fried potatoes, and Greek toast with strawberry jam.

F – Favorite color(s): Depends on deployment. Black is a good color for a dress shirt, but a bad color for, say, roast beef.
F – Favorite Band: The Coral Reefer Band.
F – Favorite food: I have a problem with favorite foods that’s detectable at 200 yards.

G – Gummy Bears or Worms: I don’t much like Gummi things.
G – Giver or taker: Giver.
G – Grades: I always got grades just good enough to get by. Much tougher than getting A’s.

H – Hair Color: Brown. Has a year or so left before shaving, too.
H – Height: Six feetish.
H – Happy: Not all the time, certainly.

I – Ice Cream: When I have ice cream, I try to get whatever’s listed as the house special. Had delicious “Grape-Nut” ice cream in Maine a month or so back.
I – Instrument: I wish I had the temperament to play an instrument.
I – Idol: I don’t watch that show.

J – Jewelry: I like a woman dripping with jewelry.
J – Job: Temp
J – Jail: I quit about a year ago.

K – Kids: Negotiations ongoing. Should my niece ever have cousins she hates, it will be her own damn fault.
K – Kickboxing or karate: To watch? I like MMA matches.
K – Kindergarten: I went. Didn’t much enjoy it.

L – Longest Car Ride: One-day? Talladega-Chicago.
L – Lamest Inside Joke: I am composed almost entirely of lame inside jokes.
L – Light or Dark: Dark more often than light.

M – Most missed person: I miss the Old Man.
M – Movie Last Watched: Jesus. Hm. I watched an hour of “American Pie” while it rained in Michigan last weekend.
M – Movie favorite: The Mosquito Coast

N – Number of Siblings: Two
N – Name: This writer is seriously phoning it in. (Me too, I guess.)
N – Nicknames: No one tells me what they are.

O – One wish: The power to bestow and withdraw immortality.
O – One regret: That I didn’t fight back more in school.
O – Orange: Orange?

P – Part of your appearance you like best: Uh. I have a fine pirate tattoo.
P – Perfectionist?: Yes. Much to my detriment.
P – Pearls or Diamonds: Diamonds

Q – Quick or Slow: Quick
Q – Quick type something fast: klshrfehnvjfwnverhvejvneovnkvnfvsfvsa;lvjnev
Q – Qt Actor/ess: Who’s the blonde on Grey’s Anatomy?

R – Reason to smile: I am in a hotel in Louisville, not a cubicle.
R – Reality TV Show: Ultimate Fighter
R – Rich: Someday.

S – Song Last Heard?: The Michigan fight song, on “Pardon The Interruption”.
S – Season: Summer
S – Superhero: Hawkgirl is smoking hot.

T – Time you woke up: 815am Eastern
T – Time you went to bed: One-ish?
T – Time now: 1057am Eastern

U – Unpredictable: I try.
U – Underwear: Saucy thongs. Size 36.
U – Uncle: Being an uncle is really, really great.

V – Vegetables you hate: My Motorola Schiavo
V – Vegetables you love: Steven Hawking
V – Vacation spot: Vegas. Everything else is second. (Though I have high hopes for Caribbean casino-resorts, someday.)

W – Worst habit: Raging
W – Weather: Hot
W – Wash your hands: Done.

X – X-rays: I think parts of me glow.
X – X-mas: I love Christmastime. Grabbiness and elaborate decor and overconsumption.

Y – Year it is now: Are you serious about this?
Y – Yellow: Homer Simpson. Word association. I got nothing left in the tank, here.
Y – Yahoo: Yeeha. See?

Z – Zoo Animal: Honey looooooooves the zoo.
Z – Zodiac Sign: Gemini.
Z – Zero: I once read a book on the invention of the zero. It wasn’t as dry as you might think.

Play Ball

Last night, after a short meeting, I and my fantasy football advisory council came to a unanimous decision: Kellen Winslow II was a better start at tight end this week than Heath Miller. Winslow might only play one game this year, went our logic, plus Miller would be catching passes from Charlie Batch, who was unseated in Detroit by Joey “Mr. Canton” Harrington.

Uninformed of our decision, Heath Miller went out last night and caught the longest touchdown pass thrown to a tight end in thirty-two years.

My fantasy acumen is in midseason form.

* * * * *

I would be remiss in not wishing all of you a very happy Independence Day. Doesn’t seem like a year, does it?