Me and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day

Ladies and gentlemen…Luna.

* * * *

Good day, loyal B-and-T readers.

If you have had a bad day recently, prepare to feel a lot better.

Yesterday, I cleared my work schedule and trooped downtown for an 11am dentist appt. Three hours later I had two new crowns, a bagful of 800mg Motrins, a bank account that was $1200 lighter and an inability to move the right side of my face. Plus another appointment in a month to finish the process and pay another $2300.

Now, you might think to yourself “That there is a crappy day.”

You are WRONG.

So, B&T picked me up downtown and took me home. I rested for a few hours, and eventually, around 6:30pm, we went out for our regular three-times-a-week-run.

We’ve just moved up from running 2 miles to running 2.5 miles, and I’m pretty proud of this accomplishment. All was well with me and my 800mg of Motrin as we turned the corner which marked the last half mile.

Then I got an eye twitch. Thinking this was a possible afteraffect of my dental work (it was on the same side of my face), I said “I think I need to stop, I have an eye twitch. That’s kinda weird.”

Then, it became apparent that my right eye didn’t really feel like being open anymore. B&T commented that I looked a bit like I was doing an impression of the great Bill the Cat. This did not please me, and then–oh good–my left eye started to shut, too.

At this point, I was becoming seriously alarmed and then my throat started to hurt. Now, I’m familiar enough with serious allergic reactions to know that this was moving into the realm of VERY BAD. So, I turned to him, and for the first time in our fifteen or so years together said those magic words every guy longs to hear: “Honey, I think you need to take me to the hospital right now.”

We had, I was later told, a very exciting ride to the hospital that included some major league speeding and a left turn at a red light.

Upon arrival at the emergency room, I was full-on blind. I told the woman at the front desk of the emergency room my name, that I’m allergic to penicillin and that I thought I was handling this situation extremely well. I don’t know if she nodded agreement or what, but I was suddenly surrounded by people (I guessed–I couldn’t, you know SEE them) declaring that they were going to pump me full of Benedryl and prendisone and that I had correctly assessed the situation and was indeed having a massive allergic reaction to. . .something.

After about half an hour, I could partly open my left eye. The ER resident, Dr. Rosenrosen (I am only HALF kidding), said that I was improving, but it was highly likely that we were not going to figure out to what I was allergic as I had no apparent bee sting marks or bug bites.

After four and a half hours and a lesson in how to stab an Epi-Pen into my thigh should this ever happen again, I got sent home with prescriptions for more antihistamines and steroids and a discharge form that says “Allergic reaction, cause unknown.”

This morning, I looked like I had gone a full 12 rounds with Apollo Creed, who had managed to leave me disgustingly swollen, but not bruised, which is a very weird look.

It is currently 2:30pm, and I now just look like I had a bad eye lift. A REALLY BAD eye lift.

I share this story with you, so that you can think of it the next time you are having a bad day.


6 thoughts on “Me and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day

  1. I’ve had epi-pens for years, although I’ve only used one once. They are, in a word, magic. The injection doesn’t hurt, and the relief is instantaneous and total. I wouldn’t go around popping them for hayfever, but if you ever have another episode like this, don’t hesitate.

    Of course, the initial symptoms sounded a lot like a stroke. I don’t think epinephrin would be indicated for that.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *