Thing That Sucked:
Getting an underblended Orange Dream Machine for lunch at Jamba Juice and slurping a large clot of protein powder into my sinuses. Ewwwwwwwwwwwww.
Thing That Did Not Suck:
Surfing onto Turner Classic Movies in time for:
“Oh, well, it got so that every pissin’ prairie punk who thought he could shoot a gun would ride into town to try out the Waco Kid. I must have killed more men than Cecil B. De Mille. It got pretty gritty. I started to hear the word ‘draw’ in my sleep. Then one day, I was just walkin’ down the street, and I heard a voice behind me say, ‘Reach for it, mister!’
I spun around and there I was, face to face with a six year-old kid. Well, I just threw my guns down and walked away.
The little bastard shot me in the ass! So, I limped to the nearest saloon, crawled inside a whiskey bottle, and I’ve been there ever since.”
Thing That I Don’t Get:
There’s a great deal of fuss over the whole Brian Urlacher/Paris Hilton thing. Urlacher’s taking fire for getting in some quality time. I don’t get it. She’s hot, she’s rich, she’s hard-drinkin’, and she’s a ho. Brian’s hit the Nookie Superfecta, the lucky bastard.
Thing That Is Officially Tedious:
I have never been so tired of a sports statistic parade in my life as I am of the list of things that the Cubs have not accomplished since 1945. Every. Fucking. Pitch.
“Didja know, Thom, that that’s the very first run-scoring bunt single to the left side for a right-handed Cubs relief pitcher on the road at night in the continental United States when the temperature at gametime was above forty degrees since nineteen forty-five? How about that, Steve!” Shut up, you fuckers. Tell DirecTV to get their shit together and sync up with Pat & Ron. God save me from network announce teams.