How strange that you, of all of us, would prove to be the most hopeful.

Man.

Parties I go to Do. Not. Change.

* My brother passed out in a chair.

* There may have been an ill-advised hookup. Rumors abound.

* Two girls left together abruptly, one crying, one with murder in her eyes.

* There were two separate major fights.

* Someone puked on the carpet.

* Multiple partygoers slept in the basement.

* The kitchen is, necessarily, substantially cleaner than it was when the party started.

* Inhalant use was prodigious. A lot of folks learned the phrase “Do you want a hit off this?”

* The sink is full of empty bottles.

* There was toplessness.

* I have a serious headache.

But it’s not every day somebody turns three.

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