How strange that you, of all of us, would prove to be the most hopeful.

I have a new laptop and extraordinary news. I will be writing up the latter on the former while airborne tomorrow morning. In the meantime, contributed via email from a flatteringly long-term lurker:

1. What time did you get up this morning?
9ish? Self-employment has one or two perks.

2. Diamond or pearls?
Diamonds.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
Sex and the City

4. What is your favorite TV show(s)?
My download-and-watch-regularly list is down to Scrubs.

5. What do you usually have for breakfast?
Coffee and either a couple of eggs or a couple of avocados.

6. What is your middle name?
Trouble.

7. What food do you dislike?
I believe I have cured myself of disliking certain foods in all deployments. By which I mean, I still hate green peppers on pizza, but they have uses.

8. What is your favorite CD at the moment?
I am past CDs. My favorite podcast right now is the downloads of Dan LeBatard’s magnificent afternoon radio show. My MP3 player has just shuffled to “Bitch Please II”.

9. What kind of car do you drive?
A Toyota Tundra of nondescript color — the dealership called it “Storm” — with a bright red mismatched aluminum cap, to keep the rain off.

10. Favorite sandwich?
There are so many. Excluding homemade, leaping to mind instantly are the proscuitto mozzarella and basil panini from L’Appetito, the big Pig sandwich from Leonard’s, Cuban toast (if that counts) and the lobster club from Fox & Obel.

11. What characteristic do you despise?
Disloyalty.

12. Favorite item of clothing?
I have a Batman tshirt that only comes out on the very most important occasions.

13. If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be?
I would like to have a month in Australia, France, or Japan.

14. Favorite brand of clothing?
Costco house brand crew socks. Hammacher Schlemmer should sell such socks.

15. Where would you retire to?
Las Vegas.

16. What was your most recent memorable birthday?
See two posts below.

17. Favorite sport to watch?
Fantasy baseball and NFL football.

18. Furthest place you are sending this?
I have lost my reader in or around Iraq. In a good way. So I don’t know who has the title now.

19. Person you expect to send it back first?
See, this just wasn’t written for me to use this way.

20. When is your birthday?
Didn’t we just cover that?

21. Are you a morning person or a night person?
Night. Morning, too, if I haven’t been to bed yet.

22. What is your shoe size?
Eleven. Infer what you will.

23. Pets?
*sigh* Yes.

25. Any new and exciting news you’d like to share with us?
Tomorrow. And it is double-exciting.

26. What did you want to be when you were little?
Big. And free.

27. How are you today?
Today was useful and productive. And not unpleasant.

28. What is your favorite candy?
Good dark chocolate.

29. What is your favorite flower?
Hibiscus.

30. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to?
July 5. We is havin’ a barbecue. I haven’t had a barbecue in a long time.

32. What is your full name?
Three words that, typed sequentially into Google, I’d prefer not lead here. (”Well, um, Mom…we kid because we love.”)

33. What are you listening to right now?
My Summer Vacation, which now never fails to make me think of Juli Mac.

34. What was the last thing you ate?
An avocado.

35. Do you wish on stars?
When occasion demands.

36. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
Black

37. How is the weather right now?
It’s okay to pause and think when you’re writing one of these, you people.

38. Last person you spoke to on the phone?
Seriously, it is. (My older younger brother. The Teabaggers are in fourth place; a comfortable seat for this point in the season.)

39. Favorite soft drink?
Diet coke with Cruzan Blackstrap rum.

40. Favorite restaurant?
That’s not just it’s own post, that’s a week of posts.

41. What color is your hair?
Now you’re trying my patience, MySpace content generator.

42. What was your favorite toy as a child?
Once I passed ten, I was free to roam my suburb on my bike. Wheels are freedom.

43. Summer or winter?
Summer.

44. Hugs or Kisses?
From who, and what kind?

45. Chocolate or Vanilla?
Peppermint.

46. Coffee or Tea?
Coffee, except with Asian food.

47. Do you want your friends to email you back?
How long it’s okay to take to e-mail someone back on a non-urgent topic: Twenty-four hours. No longer.

48. The last time you cried?
Best guess: Near the end of Rocky Balboa, when Rocky leaves the ring before the decision is announced.

49. What is under your bed?
Nothing. It’s a waterbed. Putting stuff under it is asking for trouble.

50. What did you do last night?
Had dinner with my Dad, my stepmother, and my younger younger brother, then hung out with my Mom for a couple of hours.

51. What are you afraid of?
Regrets.

52. Salty or Sweet?
Me?

53. How many keys on your key ring?
This is now openly ludicrous. Was there a quota assigned to the number of questions?

54. How many years at your current job?
Twoish. Unless you count hanging on two years at a bad job to fund the company.

55. Favorite day of the week?
Oh, really, now.

56. How many towns have you lived in?
River Forest, Oak Park, DeKalb, Chicago, Forest Park, Westmont, Oak Park again, Summerland Key, Marathon, Key West, Chicago again.

57. Do you make friends easily?
Yes. But not close ones.

58. How many people will you send this to?
Spambots have made it impossible to figure out how many readers there are anymore. But I’m flattered and grateful for all of you.

59. How many will respond?
Quota time again.

60. What happened to 31?
I suspect you converted it to sixty so you could punch out and go home.

I stole this from the Funker, who stole it elsewhere.

Six Words. Your Life Story.

(Reportedly, in this case, “started by Ernest Hemingway while telling the saddest story ever written, ‘For Sale. Baby Shoes. Never worn.’”)

My Life Story In Six Words:

“Bloodied early. Furious comeback. Now leading.”

* * * * *

And one from Juli Mac:

1) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
No. If it was serious, it would be excruciating for all of us.

2) What was your dream growing up?
To be one of the good guys in the Columbine shootings. Though in my dreams, I got more of them.

3) What talent do you wish you had?
I always wished I could dunk.

4) What do you think of Valentine’s Day?
I am male. Valentine’s Day is not for me.

5) Favorite vegetable?
Stephen Hawking

6) What was the last book you read?
I am amid “Japanese Cooking: A Simple Art”.

7) What zodiac sign are you?
Gemini

8) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
A pirate ship on the left shoulder and the international symbol for Funny: Uh-Oh on my right.

9) Worst Habit?
Asking myself “What’s the worst that could happen?” and then working out what it is and worrying about it.

10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
Me? Juli? Of course.

11) What is your favorite physical activity? To partake of? (The mind-in-gutter response is obvious enough, thanks. So, your second favorite, please.)
Barbecuing.

12) Do you have an Optimistic attitude?
I am the King of the Optimists.

13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
Do you get a say?

14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
Is Classified. I try not to dwell.

15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
I am the only member of my immediate blood family who does not appear to be sprouting a second big toe from the ball of their foot.

16) Do you have any pets?
I do.

17) Best thing to ever happen to you?
Adulthood.

18) What was your first impression of me?
I hoped you were cute and ill-behaved.

19) Best Habit?
Leaving a clean kitchen.

20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
I would like to have enough hair to leave it long.

21) Would you be my co-designer, tester, or sock eater? Some combination?
Sock-eater?

22) What color eyes do you have?
Brown

23) Ever been arrested?
No.

24) Bottle or can soda?
Poured into a glass with ice cubes aplenty.

25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
Avenge some debt and budget the rest for Vegas.

27) What’s your favorite place to hang at?
Vegas.

28) Do you seriously believe we need more cowbell?
Generally I do. Maybe they can recut that skit with “Hey Ladies”.

29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
Barbecue.

30) What about your computer bothers you?
All the unfinished items on the desktop to-do list.

31) Craziest idea you’ve been entertaining the past few weeks?
We’ve been having intrafamily meetings about breeding. Which is a crazier idea, producing children or not producing children?

32) If a genie would grant you a wish, but the genie granting you this wish only listened to the first word out of your mouth, what would that word be?
“Billions.”

33) Romance? Interesting idea? Dated (haha) concept?
Stupid question? Both. And neither.

34) If you could live anywhere in the world where would you chose?
An island. Populated by My chosen people.

35) What do you like more/find cute/friendly about your computer?
OMG. I luvs my puter. Srsly. Its all like O HAI U GOT MAILS…is this question a Macintosh thing?

36) Will you repost this so others can fill it out for you?
Rather they do it for themselves below.

I wasn’t terribly interested in the other nine parts of this meme the Bird put on my radar, but the first bit was worth snagging.

Ten things you wish you could say to 10 different people right now (don’t list names):

1. “That’s tremendous! Great job! I’m really excited about this!”

2. “I’ve decided that our differences are best resolved by me killing you with my heat vision.”

3. “You’re fired, (name withheld). Yes, again. You and your staff and your luxuriant mustache need to be out by the end of the day.”

4. “Another magnum of Cristal and another Wagyu porterhouse for the table, please.”

5. “Don’t know how you got your clothes off so fast, but I’m impressed.”

6. “(Surname), for two, please. The Caesars’ concierge called in a personal favor.”

7. “You’ve already got plane tickets, even? Excellent. I am STOKED.”

8. “Well, I honestly didn’t expect it to be a successful last straw, but hey, if Supermanning her worked, God bless you for it.”

9. “Another piña colada, please, Jeeves, and a banana for yourself while you’re at it.”

10. “Nice birdie. Hey, go wave down the beer girl while (name withheld) putts.”

From The Redhead Papers, brought to my attention via an I-assume-meant-affectionately “Thinking of you” email from bondgirl:

“I picked up and what ensued was a conversation that included Mary and our friend Tiny whom I haven’t seen since her wedding in Madison, GA, and Tiny’s husband Matt who basically just laughed his ass off at Mary and Tiny and I as we talked over each other on Mary’s cell phone. And the reason they called? Because they’d been discussing their various drunken moments and realized I WAS A PART OF EVERY SINGLE ONE.

That’s right. Every time they’ve been ridiculously drunk, I’ve been there.

I take it as a point of pride, really, because I am the one who is the bringer of the drunk. Never had a drink before? You will with me. Had many? You’ll enjoy your next one with me even more than your last. Worried that your family will think ill of you if you have even one glass of wine at Thanksgiving dinner? Bring me along — I’ll make you look good. And I won’t even break anything. I’m that rare girl who can have her drinks and somehow bring people together. Without hitting someone. It’s a gift. I know. Don’t be jealous.”

Per bondgirl’s tagging, here are “seven random facts about me/habits of mine.”

1. The fantasy team I co-manage with my older younger brother was originally dubbed the “California Teabaggers” in insulting reference to the state of residence of every owner save us, but has recently been renamed “Larry’s Comeback” in honor of the league’s commissioner, who ushed at my older younger brother’s wedding and is looking at the monumental achievement of having his fantasy team, which he attends to on a daily basis, go wire-to-wire in the cellar.

2. Seven months into my first foray into measuring physical fitness by distance, I can now run 1.75 miles in a row. Associated weight loss: Zero pounds. I would very much like to know who to sue about this.

3. My tenth airport of this year, if all scheduling shakes out the way I expect it to, will be the legendarily horrific Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport. I am vaguely excited to climb this reported Everest of inefficient chaos.

4. Presets so far on my birthday-present Sirius satellite Stiletto: “Backspin” (Old-school hip-hop), ESPNNews, Howard Stern (back at the top of his game), “Rumbon” (Reggaeton/Tropical). Additional preset demanded by girl who lives with me: “Hair Nation”.

5. I have taken to giving myself haircuts when I stay in hotel rooms. I procured clippers at the Key Largo K-mart for this purpose, complete with “TWELVE-PIECE ACCESSORY KIT”. In this kit, which I have now been toting around in carry-on luggage for a year’s worth of air travel (at least two dozen flights, the importance of which number presently), is a comb, a set of plastic attachments to cut hair to different lengths, a cleaning brush, a small tube of lubricating oil, a cloth, a bag to transport all of this, a blade guard, the clippers themselves, and, I noticed this morning after an oil spill, a six-inch pair of sharp, pointy scissors. I chose not to keep them. Never know when you might run into a TSA employee looking to pass her poopy day along.

6. I had such an awful fourteen years in school that I am hesitant to have children because I cannot bear to put them through it.

7. In conversation with a new friend last week, the following sentence was directed at me: “So wait, back up. You have a friend who is a pornographer, a friend who teaches evolution in Georgia, and a friend whose name is Unicorn*?” Uh, yeah. Is that weird? The roster gets odder from there.

As always, each of you who reads this is tagged. If you lack a blog — looking at you here, missunderstood — use the comments section.

* Not his real fake name, but in the ballpark.